I Have to Tolerate My In-Laws Entitled Behavior Because They Helped Us With Money

Publish date: 2024-05-11

After getting married and establishing our household, we cherish our privacy and tranquility. However, Cynthia, a young newlywed, frequently faces surprise visits from her in-laws. Her husband insists that she be accommodating and respectful because his parents contributed to buying their home. Feeling overwhelmed, Cynthia has shared her complete story with us.

Here is Cynthia’s letter:

Just because they have paid you the house doesn't mean they can behave any way they want. Start by paying back what they have contributed. You are not serfs just because they helped you with money.
Everything that has been destroyed is documented and you can claim compensation for these things. Your husband is a cowardly mama's boy who doesn't dare speak up.
If it doesn't get better, it might be time to reevaluate the marriage with your husband. You don't seem to get any kind of support from there.

We’ve put together four different pieces of advice to assist Cynthia in handling this sensitive situation.

Reach a mutual agreement with your husband.

I don't care what they helped with, it doesn't give them the right to show up unannounced or destroy your house. Your mil is condescending and seems to enjoy the fact that your husband has no backbone when it comes to her. I would have a serious talk with my husband and tell him how I feel. If he continues to stick up for his mom or gets upset then it's time to reevaluate your marriage. I would also have a talk with the In-laws, set boundaries, and stick to them. Oh yeah, make sure that they pay you for whatever damages that were caused by them allowing the children to run rampant. They didn't help you two out of kindness, it seems like they did it to be able to hold it over both of your heads.

Have an open discussion with your husband about how his parents’ visits are affecting you. Suggest a compromise by agreeing on some guidelines for their visits. For example, you could decide that his parents can visit once a week, but they need to leave by a certain time.

This approach allows him to understand your concerns and take a proactive role in managing the situation.

Establish firm boundaries and clearly express your expectations.

Have a conversation with your in-laws to address the situation. Clearly communicate your expectations for their visits, such as setting specific hours and limiting how long they stay. Explain how the late-night visits and disruptive behavior are impacting your home life. Propose scheduling visits at times that work for everyone, like on weekends or designated family days.

While expressing gratitude for their help in purchasing the house, stress that you need your home to be a place where you feel comfortable and in control.

Create a dedicated space for children.

To tackle the problem of your nephews damaging your expensive couch and using watercolors on your carpet, set up a specific play area for them. Designate a corner of the living room or another room with kid-friendly furniture, toys, and art materials. Use protective mats or washable rugs to avoid any mess.

Let your husband and in-laws know that this space is for the children to play freely, which will help maintain order in the rest of your home. This solution shows you’re considering the children’s needs while safeguarding your belongings.

If they continue to ignore your boundaries, you might need to consider not allowing them to visit.

Exercise patience, but if the situation doesn’t improve, you may need to enforce stricter rules for your home, potentially even completely limiting your in-laws’ visits. There’s no need to sever ties completely, but maintaining your peace of mind is crucial.

Discuss the matter with your husband to understand his viewpoint, and don’t hesitate to express your thoughts. You can still spend time with your in-laws by meeting at their house or in a neutral location at a mutually agreed-upon time.

Here’s another story about the conflict between a daughter-in-law and her mother-in-law. Despite the bride’s request for an all-vegan menu at her wedding, the mother-in-law secretly arranged for a barbecue. The bride was livid, leading to chaos on the wedding day. Read the complete story here.